


Now I Won't Settle for Less

by Taimat



Series: Collegestuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Future Fic, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taimat/pseuds/Taimat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six sweeps old Karkat is frustrated with just being palhonchos with John, but can't seem to find a way to move beyond that relationship.</p><p>Through wacky space-time hijinks, he ends up in a future with 30 y.o John and similarly aged himself, and they are matesprits. And little Karkat cannot believe that John grows up into this rather sensible seeming stupidly handsome guy, or that his future self is so calm seeming too. Also tall. And grown up. Karkat may actually hate this future Karkat more then any others. And how dare they be so perfect together, when all he and his John do is argue over romcoms.</p><p>So, for science, and totally not because the idea gets him hot, why would you suggest that, present Karkat sneakily observes his future self and future John mating. So he can figure out what he is doing wrong with his John!</p><p>(Originally written for the meme.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Now I Won't Settle for Less

Karkat scuffs at the floor of his respiteblock with one shoe, wallowing. He's good at wallowing.

Not so good at human relationships.

Human relationships are stupid, anyway, and why would he even need to be good at them? It's not like it matters. Humans are so one-dimensional. One fucking quadrant. How can they only have one quadrant?

 _But Karkat, if you have a matesprit, why would you need a kismesis? I mean, wouldn't your matesprit get jealous?_

 _No, John, that's stupid. You pity one, you hate the other. Why would they be jealous?_

 _But you… But trolls would have…would have sex with both of them, right?_

 _And?_

Not to mention the fact that they're completely incapable of even understanding the quadrants, so there really is no hope for them at all. Idiots, the lot of them. Idiots with no emotional range. How could they possibly appreciate the nuances of relationships with only one gogdamned relationship to work with? There's no sort of balance at all.

 _Isn't that like cheating, though?_

 _John, just because humans are so inferior that they are incapable of handling multiple relationships doesn't mean that trolls function the same way._

 _So, even if you found a matesprit, you'd keep looking for a kismesis?_

 _Yes._

 _Oh._

Even John. He'd thought… He'd thought that maybe he could make the human understand that what Karkat wants him for is something special. That even with the other three quadrants, John would occupy only one. Because he is perfect for it in a way that no one else is. Can't he understand how unique that is?

 _But on your planet… You needed both to…to fill the buckets with, right?_

 _Yes, John. Glad it only took you this long to wrap your inferior think pan around the idea, fuckass._

 _Since your planet's gone, um… You wouldn't need to do that, right? You wouldn't need all of the quadrants. Or even if you did, you wouldn't need to have…to do that with more than one. Right?_

 _Gogdamnit, whatever human notions of faithfulness you have ingrained in you are irrelevant! Trolls do not work the same way! We're not complete unless all of our quadrants are filled! Unlike you and your "one true love" or whatever you all call it._

 _…oh._

Whatever he'd said had upset John. Or maybe it was just the way he'd said it? Fuck he doesn't know. What he does know is that, in upsetting John, he'll incur the wrath of the Dave Human.

He's done it anyway. He can't seem to help himself. But despite his best efforts, he can't move the two of them past "friends" and into blackrom, redrom, when John had shied away from the first option, or any sort of quadrant at all. John doesn't want to be a quadrant.

And then John's complete inability to care about Karkat's emotional distress sets him off, and he'll end up saying things he doesn't even mean, and then John will get hurt and Karkat will wallow, mired in self-hatred until he comes crawling back and apologizes to the damn human. And John will forgive him. And it will start all over.

He feels bad enough on his own. He doesn't fucking need or care about Dave.

A glance at the boy's face makes him wonder if maybe he should.

"You've got no idea what the hell you're doing, do you, dumbass?"

Karkat glares and slouches further into the wall.

"God, for as nasty of a troll as you are, you are fucking hopeless. It's not even ironic. It's just sad and painful to watch. Pitiful. And not that fucking weird shit you all pass off as romance, either."

Dave starts toward him, and Karkat barely has time to raise a hand in his own defense before the human is _touching_ him - has he always been that gogdamned fast? - and then there is a loud popping noise and Karkat's breath leaves him in a wheeze as the entire world twists and flickers around him, silencing the snarl he'd been prepared to unleash.

"I'd apologize for the rough landing, but I've still got some kinks to work out. Plus, I don't fucking care about your comfort, anyway."

Without another word, Dave has vanished, leaving him huddled on the floor in…where the hell is he?

In someone's…hive? It looks distinctly human, all plush chairs and wooden tables and nothing crawling around. It looks like…like someplace John would live, if his past observances are anything to go on. The thought of the human makes his blood pusher ache, and he forcefully pushes that feeling down. Why couldn't past him get anything right?

Distracted by his inner ranting, he hasn't been listening like he should have been in a situation like this. His eyes shoot up, followed closely by the rest of him, when the front door closes and locks.

Oh, fuck.

 _When_ was he?

Because he has somehow just walked through that door, while he is also standing right here.

Fucking Strider and his fucking time travel shit.

What he assumes to be his significantly-in-the-future self stares down at him, head tilted in thought, and then without warning, what looks like a smirk spreads across his face. His future face.

Karkat's think pan hurts.

"Are you here already?"

Of course he would be expecting himself. Assuming that this is his future self, then whatever is currently happening to Karkat has already happened to this future Karkat, too, so he would remember it. Right?

Karkat huffs. "The hell are you rambling about, fuckass." He isn't really expecting an answer, but the way his other self's face darkens sets him on edge.

Older Karkat prowls toward him, barely pausing to drop a small collection of keys on the table before bending down to haul the younger troll forward only to drive him back into the wall.

Karkat takes a moment to appreciate how tall and strong he is going to become in the future, though he tries to ignore the way his eyes will turn red and flaunt his horrendous blood color for all to see. And for as glad as he is to see how he's turned out, it doesn't make him any less pissed off that his future self has gotten there first.

"Piece of shit…fucking moronic little… Do you have _any_ idea what you've done? Any idea at all of what a terrible-- I am so _sick_ of dealing with your fuckups, past me."

Karkat squirms a bit in the hold, not really wanting to fight a bigger version of himself. His odds of winning that one don't look very good. "Anything in particular?"

"John." That one word stills him.

"What did… What will I do?"

His older self's teeth are bared, the fangs having finally lengthened just a tad into something at least presentable - though his horns are still unimpressive, Karkat is disappointed to note. "The same thing you always do. Everything. Wrong. If I didn't know exactly why you were here I would rip your--"

The sound of the lock turning again makes future Karkat snarl. "Damn it. I remember having more time than that. Fuck." Karkat barely has time to squeak as he is shoved roughly through another door into a tiny room. One that seems to be occupied primarily by jackets and shoes. "Fucking stay hidden until Strider comes to get you. I'm not dealing with this."

"Hey, Karkat! You home already? Can you open the door?"

The voice is unmistakably John's, and Karkat watches his own expression soften in a way that makes him nearly gasp. Shit, even years from now, is he still going to be pining after that idiot? Future Karkat closes the door nearly all the way, leaving a decently sized gap through which younger Karkat can see a part of the room.

The front door, however, is completely out of his line of vision, so he can't even see John when it opens.

"You forgot your keys again, didn't you? You never fucking remember. This is why you're supposed to put them on the table. Then they're always in the same place and you don't have to strain yourself thinking about it."

Karkat is completely taken aback by the tone with which his future self speaks. The right words are all there, but what is he doing, talking like that? Will he really become that bad at keeping secrets? Even a wriggler could hear how much he--

"Naw, I just like it when you open the door for me. It's like I'm coming home to someone."

There's a rustle of fabric, and he can only assume future Karkat has retaliated against future John. "You _do_ come home to someone, you moron." But all of the malice is gone from his voice. Clearly, he's given up on blackrom with John.

Karkat lets the knowledge of his impending failure sink in properly. There really was never any hope for that, was there? John is completely incapable of hating him. Karkat is completely incapable of making him. But he'd hoped…

"Hey, what's wrong, Karkles?"

Oh, gog. That name. That fucking--

"Thinking."

John laughs, and it's a sound that makes Karkat's insides shiver. But not in disgust.

"Maybe you should stop doing that."

There's another shuffle, and Karkat wishes he were able to see through objects. Of course, then he'd just keep seeing and seeing and it would never stop, and would that mean that in the end, he'd never be able to really see anything?

That's just stupid.

"Shit, you're wallowing again, aren't you? You're feeling guilty." Future John is…surprisingly perceptive.

A huff. "…maybe." Future Karkat is completely incapable of putting up a fight. He sucks.

"Karkat, what happened?"

And his future self… That bulgemuncher fucking _chirrups_. There is no way in hell he will allow himself to become so open and pathetic and gogdamn needy. It's only John's voice that manages to quell Karkat's increasing rage at the complete waste of space his future self has become.

"Hey… Come on, Karkat. I forgave you for being an insufferable fuckass ages ago. Your words, not mine. What brought this on?"

His response is whispered too softly to hear, but John's breath catches, and the pair is silent for a moment. And then future him has the nerve to chirrup again, and why can't he _see_ them?

Karkat bares his teeth in frustration, then nearly chokes in surprise when a pair of bodies thuds heavily against the wall right next to where his door has been left open. He shrinks back into the clothing, eyes wide and completely transfixed upon the image of John kissing his future self into a shivering mess.

Oh.

Fuck.

They're… _matesprits_.

Karkat's immediate joy at his impending success is swiftly counteracted by his anger at his future self. Why does he get to have _this_ John? This John who's become…gogdamned tall and still thin but not gangly and just beautiful and _perfect_ even if he still looks like a bit of an idiot and--

He really has no hope for a kismesis, does he? Maybe he never had. But this… This is _better_.

What does this John see in him that Karkat's current John doesn't? Or won't? Or…or can't? As much as it kills him to admit it, future him must have done something right. But what?

Future John's hands reach up to curl around future Karkat's horns, and current Karkat's own horns tingle in desire, making him nearly bite down on his own tongue to keep silent. Fuck, he's going to see them mate, isn't he?

He takes his future self's soft keening as a yes.

"Love it when you make that noise." John's words are muffled, seeing as he's currently making his way down flushed gray skin, nipping gently as he tugs the collar of older Karkat's shirt out of the way.

"Love _you_."

Karkat's eyes go even wider. Love? That stupid human thing? What is he doing spouting nonsense like that?

But the expression on the older troll's face is completely sincere, which is even more surprising than the words that had just spewed from his protein chute. John draws himself up again - and the human has the nerve to _still_ be taller than him - and rubs their noses together in what would be a completely disgusting display if Karkat were not so horribly jealous of how…how _adorable_ they are.

Of course, he could close his eyes and try to give them some privacy, but then he would never figure out what his future self had done to get to this point. Plus…John is, well… He isn't going to pass this up.

John's fingers slip into the back of older Karkat's pants, and the whine that the troll makes as their hips press together has Karkat blushing in embarrassment.

Why does he have to be so _needy_?

"Tell me what you want, Karkat, and I'll give it to you. Since you insist on being mopey. What would make you feel better?" John's grinning at him, his teeth still overly large even though he's grown into them a bit, but there's a heat there that's evident even to an outsider.

Or rather, to the young voyeur hiding in the closet.

"You could fuck me. That should make me feel better." Fanged teeth are bared in a smile that looks much more natural on his face than Karkat thinks it should. Gogdamnit, how had his future self gotten so much practice being happy, too? He always gets the best of everything, while current Karkat is the one who has to stumble through life and the hard shit for the sake of his fucking future self.

John laughs, and it distracts him again. "All you had to do was ask."

All he… All he had to… Was that it? Did he just have to ask? Hey, John, would you like to be my matesprit? No, he'd already tried that. Not in so many words, but the intention had been there.

Future Karkat's hands scrabble at the front of John's jeans, undoing them and tugging them down far enough to--

The _fuck_ is that!?

Karkat freezes in both fascination and slight horror.

Is that… Are all human bulges that big? And…stiff? And there doesn't look to be any sort of sheath anywhere… Does that mean it's just hanging out all the time? How do they manage to walk!?

Future Karkat is clearly not thinking about any of this, being completely preoccupied with pressing up against John and wrapping his hand around the human. The noise John gives in reply makes Karkat gasp, and he can only assume they didn't hear him from the way they're currently stripping each other down as fast as they can.

"Couch. Now." The older troll's demand is gasped out in the two seconds that their mouths actually aren't connected, and Karkat's lip curls at the realization that John's stupid highblood vocabulary is probably going to be rubbing off on him.

The moment John sits down, future Karkat is climbing over him, straddling his lap shamelessly, body trembling in excitement and desire. Karkat might have mistaken it for fear, since all he can see of himself is his back, were it not for the fact that future Karkat is tugging John's hand between his legs accompanied by that chirruping noise.

Karkat braces himself for the cry of pain that he's sure is coming, but future Karkat only trills deep in this throat, hips swaying toward the human as John's fingers press inside him.

Oh. No claws.

Karkat licks at his lips, desperately trying to get rid of the dry feeling, and he refuses to press a hand to where his own bulge is threatening to slide from its sheath. He hasn't stooped that low.

But he wonders. He wonders what it would be like to have John's fingers touch him there. He wonders how deep they could push into his nook. He wonders if he'd like it.

Which is a stupid question, considering the way that his future self is literally dripping genetic material onto John's hand.

"I'm never going to get over how wet you are." John's voice is rougher, and he twists his hand, pumping harder to the complete delight of his partner.

Karkat tries to find it in him to be angry, but it keeps getting smothered by things like lust and envy.

"Only for you, John. No one else. Just you. Want you now."

 _So, even if you found a matesprit, you'd keep looking for a kismesis?_

 _Yes._

 _Oh._

Karkat pushes the memory away, trying to ignore how John's voice had fallen at the end.

John's fingers - just how many had he managed to fit inside? - pull free and stroke down his own bulge as future Karkat hovers over him, chirruping with the need for his matesprit to touch him. To satisfy him.

Karkat's jaw drops. He can't seriously be wanting to-- There's no way John will fit! His eyes rove over what he can see of his future self, but there's no hint of trepidation in his body language. He actually…looks like he _wants_ this. What the fuck is wrong with him!? Did his think pan get damaged somewhere along the way? Maybe his future self should have told him about that instead of deciding to show off whatever…whatever this…

His food flap goes dry when future Karkat brushes the human's hand away so that he can reach between them and grab John's bulge so roughly that Karkat can't believe John isn't-- He _likes_ it. Fuck, what are human bulges made of?

It's only moments until he's taken John completely inside, and the obvious insight that they've done this a _lot_ is quickly overruled by the sound he hears himself make.

It's completely embarrassing, that high, keening kind of noise. He's never made it before, and even if he wanted to, there's no way he'd ever let himself actually--

And then he sees John's face. Those features that have matured and become so attractive… He's completely enraptured, staring at Karkat's future self with an expression that says he'd rather be nowhere else, with no one else. Like Karkat is the most important thing on this entire stupid planet…

Something inside Karkat seems to drop and twist unpleasantly, and his protein chute closes up when he tries to swallow.

Future Karkat leans up, and John slides out of him so far that Karkat assumes he's finally come to his senses and realized that troll nooks were not intended to couple with human bulges, but then he drops his hips down and takes the entire thing back in with a soft wail.

Fuck, is that how they do it? He guesses that, if John's bulge can't move, then maybe that's the only way, but it looks painful. Like they're fighting. Maybe that's why humans don't need a kismesis? Maybe sex with their matesprits is like redrom and blackrom rolled into one.

His other self doesn't seem to think it hurts, though. No, his other self is busy driving himself against John like he's going to die if he doesn't do it harder, faster, deeper. And John's helping him, his slender fingers hooking around future Karkat's hips, the muscles in his arms bunching and shifting as they move.

Future Karkat is whining against John's lips, and the sound makes Karkat glance around the room, looking for the bucket they must have somewhere close by. They must, if they're mating all over their hive. How they ever have visitors, Karkat can't imagine, but maybe they--

He's keening desperately, his whole body shaking, and he's going to finish any moment now and no one is reaching for a fucking bucket. But John's holding the troll close and moaning into his hair, and when his tongue swipes up the length of one horn, those blue eyes fix solidly upon current Karkat frozen in place in the closet.

He knew. He had known this whole damn time! Known that Karkat was stuck in here and would have to watch. They're doing this on purpose! Karkat can't decide if he's angry at them for somehow trolling him or if he's secretly impressed and a little relieved. And kind of embarrassed.

And John fucking _smirks_ at him when his future self lets go, coming all over the both of them and collapsing limply against John. After just a moment, John begins thrusting again, and future Karkat trills and holds on for dear life. He doesn't break eye contact with the younger version of his matesprit until his lids close in pleasure.

When John comes inside him… Karkat had never even thought about that before. Well, not beyond idly entertaining thoughts of things that were totally disgusting and completely taboo and why was his other self _liking_ it so much? He isn't even trying to push John away! Why is he all right with John using him as a…as a _bucket_?

But then, Karkat's think pan reminds him, they don't need buckets in this world, do they?

Karkat tells it to shut the fuck up. It's still disgusting.

Future Karkat disagrees. "Love it when you come inside me."

Gross. Ew. Bluh.

And then John's lifting a red-tinted hand to his face and licking it and _fuck_ that shouldn't be as hot as it is.

"I really am sorry that I was such a complete fuckass to you in the past. Past me sucks. I don't need any quadrant but you."

John chuckles lightly, nuzzling against the closest horn and smiling when future Karkat shivers. "Maybe you should have just asked me if you could be _more_ of a fuckass and we would have had this sorted out, sooner."

Karkat can see himself wrap his think pan around that one before he shoves at John, but there's no malice behind it. He's _laughing_ , even. Fuck, that's weird. "You're insufferable, you know that? Pervert."

"Just for you." John sighs happily and kisses the side of the troll's head. "Shower now? We're dripping. I'm really, really glad this stuff doesn't stain. Have I said that before?"

"You were the one who said we didn't need buckets. It's your own damn fault if it gets everywhere."

Karkat can hear clearly the affection in the tone. Everything about his future self is calmer. Less antagonistic. More open. And while it's still him in there…maybe that's what John wants?

He's so busy contemplating everything and staring into the darkness of the closet that he doesn't realize they've gone.

That must be it, then. John doesn't want to be his kismesis. He doesn't want to be his matesprit, even. He wants to be…he wants to be _everything_. The realization makes Karkat gasp audibly, and he can't decide if the idea worries him, annoys him, excites him.

Would he be willing to try that? The human kind of romance? For John?

There's a sudden popping noise and Dave appears out of nowhere.

Karkat definitely does not squeak in surprise. And if he's a little flushed, well, that's because he's been stuck in a very small space for gog knows how long. That's all.

"All ready to act like a proper human being, now?" Dave's face is perfectly blank, as usual, and Karkat glares at him.

"Fuck you."

Dave snorts. "Not my type. But I know who is." The nooksniffer has the gall to look smug, and Karkat steps toward him, somehow forgetting again how damn fast Dave is until the human has both hands around his wrists.

He tilts his head down just enough to glance over the top of his shades, and Karkat freezes at the look in his candy red eyes.

"If it weren't for the fact that me and John are bros for life, I wouldn't even deal with this shit. I'd drop you on your ass faster than I drop sick beats. Don't fuck this timeline up. I've had my fill of cleaning up after you."

Karkat should give him some kind of reply, but he thinks that Dave doesn't really expect him to. Instead, he asks, "Which Dave are you?"

The shades are firmly in place again, and Karkat can't read him, anymore. "Older than the one that took you here, younger than the one future you and future John are going to have dinner with later."

"How do you know--"

"Knight of Time, bro. I know everything."

Biting back the stinging insults that he wants to throw, Karkat thinks that maybe he should start trying to be something like the Karkat that John might want and at least try to get along with John's friends.

Even if they're insufferable.

So instead, he holds out a hand, letting whichever Dave this is grab onto it and take him home.

He has a lot of work to do.


	2. Now I Won't Settle for Less - Epilogue

If the asteroid that they're currently inhabiting were operating by Earth rules, it would be sometime in the evening that Karkat shuffles up to his door. John shifts in his chair where he's been sitting and staring up at the ceiling, fingers drumming absently against his thigh.

He's so tired of going through this.

It's bad enough that he's feeling…affectionate toward Karkat. (John won't let himself call it anything else.) But what's worse is that Karkat doesn't seem to feel the same way. He feels _something_ , but the troll is so eager to push John into one of his quadrants - one of _four_ , even - that John can't bring himself to have any real discussion about it.

If they end up being…whatever it is they end up being…John doesn't want to share.

He knows that human-style relationships are different from what the trolls have, and he doesn't want to seem inconsiderate, but at the same time, if he's going to put himself out there and take the risk of getting into a something-he-won't-name with Karkat, John wants--

John needs it to be something he understands. He wants to be Karkat's _only_ whatever-they-are. He knows there's no way he'd be able to handle the jealousy, otherwise. And he kind of wants to feel more important than a quadrant. Being one of one is definitely more important and special than being one of four.

But trolls don't work like that, and John doesn't know how he can make Karkat see that humans don't work the other way, make Karkat see why this fact is important to him without having a discussion about it. Without showing Karkat his true feelings of something-or-other.

And John isn't sure if he can do that.

He wishes this were like a romcom. He wishes some magical third party could just know what they were both thinking and feeling and mediate and say everything he couldn't, and then everything would fall into place just how it's supposed to.

But life doesn't work that way, apparently, and John doesn't know what to do.

So he does what he always does.

He stands and nearly trips his way over to the door, ready to hear Karkat's apologies (and maybe offer some of his own) and patch this over, ignoring the real issue until the next argument.

So he's completely surprised to find Karkat outside his room and looking determined rather than guilty and upset. And the troll immediately barges in, not even waiting for John to extend an invitation.

This is different.

John jumps a little when Karkat clears his throat, apparently looking for the words he wants to use, and John is so confused that he doesn't say a thing in response, simply blinks back at the troll and waits.

"So, I've been thinking. We keep arguing about whose romance is better, and whose makes more sense, and it's always the same thing over and over, so I decided that one of us has to be the better troll, and that's me. The troll. So, uh…" Karkat pauses and looks a little lost for a brief moment before he plunges onward. "Since you're clearly too much of an emotional wriggler to make our vastly superior quadrants work for you, I think that we should give your lame human kind of relationship stuff a try."

John's breath catches in his throat, and he's sort of afraid to say anything because he never thought Karkat would be willing to do this for _him_ , but maybe everything's not lost, because if they can do it the human way, then maybe--

Karkat unknowingly cuts off John's mental rambling by sticking a hand out into the space between them. "So…friends?"

Breath catching again for an entirely different reason, John tries to ignore the way his eyes start to burn, just a little bit. He hadn't been expecting…

But maybe… Maybe this is okay. At least Karkat doesn't want to be his kismesis anymore, right? Maybe this is some form of compromise? And while John had maybe kind of wanted something a little more than this…if all Karkat wants is to be his friend, then John is determined to be the very best friend he could have.

If that's the only way he can have him…

Then John is going to do his very best.

He's glad that he didn't say anything before, because he would never, ever want to lose Karkat completely. And now that they're going to be _friends_ , he's not going to rock the boat. Not when Karkat's trying so hard.

Looking at the troll, John grins brightly. This is okay. It _will_ be okay.

~~~~~~~

At John's smile, Karkat feels his blood pusher flutter with _hope_ , of all things. Those blue eyes aren't completely happy, and Karkat doesn't know exactly what he's done wrong this time, but surely he's going in the right direction to fix it.

Because this is how John's romcoms go, isn't it? Friends first, more-than-friends later.

No matter how long it takes, he's going to figure out how these human romances work. He's going to do this right.

He's going to make John _his_.


End file.
